


loving him in silence

by loverfilms



Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: ...or is it?, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Memories, Pining, Self-Loathing, Slow Dancing, Unrequited Love, andrés is the love of martín's life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26160877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loverfilms/pseuds/loverfilms
Summary: Andrés and Tatiana leave for their honeymoon. That leaves a lot of time for Martín to feel Andrés's absence.
Relationships: Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa/Palermo | Martín Berrote, Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa/Tatiana
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	loving him in silence

Martín is happy for Andrés. He really is. He hasn't ever seen Andrés look at someone like he looks at Tatiana. How Andrés's eyes carefully study her face while she talks as if he's seeing her for the first time, how his eyes sparkle with joy when she makes him laugh.

You could say Andrés is mesmerized by her and Martín can see why. She's gorgeous, smart, funny, kind, and almost just as much of a criminal as Andrés, making her the _perfect_ partner for robberies.

When he and Andrés would do robberies together, Andrés would talk about how he'd spend the money with the person he loves. How they'd go on cruises, share glasses of the most expensive wine, spend weeks near the beach together, etc.

That was of course before he met Tatiana. Martín imagines he can do all of that with her and more now. Which is wonderful, Martín couldn't be any happier for the two.

Martín also really likes Tatiana, she's always fun to talk to. He enjoys hearing about what Tatiana has to say about Andrés. He also enjoys making fun of Andrés with her, since they both agree he can be more than a handful sometimes. That's something they definitely have in common: their love for Andrés.

That's why he's so glad Andrés _finally_ has someone like her. Someone he can trust and loves him dearly. But if he's _so_ glad, then why does it feel like some sort of goodbye?

Right now Martín and Sergio had gotten back to the monastery after saying goodbye to Andrés and Tatiana before they left for their two-week long honeymoon. Something Andrés had said he was looking very forward to, saying he's planned something better than anything he's done before on his past honeymoons.

''Do you think Tatiana's the one for him?'' Sergio's voice echoed through the hallway. Martín chuckled at the question, ''Why are you asking?''

Sergio stopped walking, making Martín stop in his own footsteps and turn around to face him. ''As you know, Andrés hasn't had the best luck when it comes to his,'' Sergio adjusted his glasses, ''Well... Partners. I don't really want to see him get hurt again.''

It warmed Martín's heart when Sergio would show genuine concern for his brother. He'd tend to do it a lot anyway and Martín found it sweet, It'd also remind him he isn't entirely a robot. ''Not sure how to answer that. The truth is I don't know, Sergio.''

Martín replied and sighed, placing his hands in his jacket's pockets, ''But he looks very happy with her. He trusts her,'' Martín's voice got quieter near the end and his gaze shifted to the floor, ''Andrés loves her.'' Saying that out loud, he wasn't expecting it to hurt as much as it did.

Martín realized Sergio was still looking at him, patiently waiting for him to continue. He cleared his throat and smiled reassuringly at Sergio, ''I wouldn't worry, Sergio,'' he leaned a little closer to pat Sergio's shoulder, offering some comfort, ''She seems perfect for him and she's an amazing woman, we both know that.''

Sergio smiled back and nodded his head, agreeing and then chuckled quietly, ''Out of the others, she definitely is the best,'' he said, making both of them laugh. Martín stepped back and sighed again, ''It's been a long day. We both deserve some rest, huh?''

Martín asked and at the right time too, seeing how Sergio yawned seconds after. ''Yeah,'' Sergio wiped his eyes under his glasses and started walking, ''Goodnight, Martín,'' he replied, making sure to wave a little awkward goodbye. Martín waved back, chuckling lightly.

Once Sergio disappeared further into the hallway, Martín took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling, feeling a wave of sadness crash into him out of nowhere.

Martín made it into his room and quietly shut the door, his fingers lingering on the door handle, expecting Andrés to stop the door halfway and tell him _I found some more information, care to look through it with me?_ Which was something Martín found annoying, yet endearing. Because most times he'd to that, he'd also be ready to go to sleep.

Come to think of it, Andrés really tended to fuck up his sleep schedule. Countless nights spent going over the step of the plan, what they should change, and what the still needed to find out. It was a lot of work but Martín wouldn't have it any other way.

Martín finally sat down on his bed and laid down, running his hands over his face and sighing deeply. It's going to be a long two weeks.

The first three days after Andrés and Tatiana had left, nothing had really changed and it wasn't that difficult, Martín would just spend some time with Sergio and work on parts of the plan like any other day, the only difference was that their important number three was spending time with his newlywed wife.

But after day three Martín had started to struggle with going to sleep. He'd spend hours tossing and turning, getting up to pace around the room, gritting his teeth as he would stare at the empty ceiling.

That'd all happen because he'd stay up thinking about what Andrés and Tatiana did together through the day. It's not like he wanted to think about that, but It'd cross his mind and he wouldn't be able to quiet down those thoughts, he was looking for answers and there was no one he could get them from except himself.

He'd also think about Andrés's voice, his laugh, what suit he's wearing. He'd think about the things Andrés would say to her, do to her, do _with_ her. He'd think about how much Andrés truly loves Tatiana and how good she is for him.

It's not like Martín ever had a problem with Andrés's relationships and marriages. Because he really didn't and still doesn't. He knows he doesn't stand a chance, he's heard Andrés talk about his love for women many times before. He's never allowed himself to hope for anything. There's no good in that. And he's come to accept that, or at least _try_ to convince himself he has.

But something's different this time with Tatiana. She's perfect for Andrés. She's _the one for him_ as Sergio would put it. And maybe that's exactly why this is taking a much stronger toll on Martín. The thought that Tatiana is perfect for Andrés and he is not. Martín realized how selfish that was after thinking of that, but he couldn't help it.

Martín has known Andrés for years now. Shared all sorts of things with him, gone through all types of ups and downs, and yet they're still so close.

Even in Andrés's other relationships through the years, Martín hadn't felt this way, maybe for a moment, but only a moment, because he and Sergio both saw the relationships he was in weren't that good. With Tatiana, It's been smooth sailing for a very long time and even though that's a good thing, it hurt him. What hurts more is that Martín likes her.

He sees how happy she is with Andrés and is glad to see that, yet at the same time, it feels like something's clawing at him, screaming at him, saying that _he_ should be the one making Andrés laugh. _He_ should be the one spending time with him, hugging him, holding him, kissing him-

Martín quickly sat up in his bed and took a shaky breath. He turned his head toward the clock, which read 04:12. He needed to distract himself from these thoughts, they won't help him sleep anyway. He lifted his feet off the bed and placed them onto the cold floor.

His steps felt heavier as he walked through the hall, towards the room in which everything regarding the plan was put. Not a better way to distract yourself than with work. He put his hands in the pockets of his robe, pushing the light switch with his elbow as he walked towards a chair and slumped down in it, looking at the table which had stacks of paper on it and some scribbles.

Martín softly smiled to himself when he saw a doodle of Andrés in the corner of his eye, next to it is a much better and detailed small sketch of Martín. Something about Andrés that will never cease to amaze him is how talented he is at art. In his eyes, Andrés really couldn't get any more perfect.

Time passed quickly as he looked over the papers, trying to decide if anything needed some more work or not.

''Martín?'' Sergio's voice loud and clear nearly knocked Martín out of his chair. Martín looked up at him and smiled, ''Look who's up early.''

''I'm not actually. Woke up to get a glass of water but the lights were on in here,'' Sergio looked at the papers in Martín's hands and scratched his head, ''Didn't we already go over those yesterday?''

Martín looked back at the papers he was holding and chuckled, '' _Oh,_ '' he whispered and put the papers on top of the neatly put together stack that Sergio had insisted they _keep_ neat. ''Yeah, they are,'' Martín bit his lip, ''Better safe than sorry I suppose.''

Sergio took off his glasses to wipe them with his shirt, ''What are you doing up anyway? It's nearly five in the morning,'' Sergio asked and Martín stretched his arms as he yawned.

''I couldn't sleep,'' Martín simply replied and Sergio sighed, ''Maybe you should-''

''What if they're up watching the sunrise right now?'' Martín interrupted and laughed, ''Wouldn't that be romantic, Sergio?'' he asked with a wide smile.

Sergio looked rather upset, not understanding where that came from. He was about to continue the sentence he had started earlier but was rudely interrupted again, ''Do you want to go watch the sunrise with _me_? Maybe take a photo or two?'' Martín continued to laugh, Sergio only rolled his eyes, not being impressed.

''I don't think that's a good idea, as I was saying-'' Martín's laughter died down and he made the effort to listen to what Sergio had to say. ''Maybe you should drink a cup of chamomile tea. It'll help you sleep. I'm pretty sure we still have some left.''

Martín softly sighed and rubbed his right eye while Sergio continued to talk. ''We can look over this in the afternoon, Martín,'' Sergio said and put some more papers that Martín had forgotten about on top of the second paper stack, ''You don't have to do this by yourself at this time of the morning. Just get some sleep, alright?''

''Yeah, I will,'' he gave Sergio a little thumbs-up, ''Thank you,'' Martín replied and Sergio softly smiled before walking off. He felt a little embarrassed about the sunrise comment, the thought just came across his mind out of nowhere. Just two minutes ago the thought of Andrés getting up to watch the sunrise out of all things seemed funny, but now being left alone again with his thoughts, he realized doing that with Andrés wouldn't even be that bad.

The cold air of the morning hitting them as they'd walk out of their house, holding hands as they'd walk across the sand, listening to the waves hit the shore. They'd sit down on a blanket, he'd feel Andrés's arms around him, holding him tight and keeping him warm as they'd watch the sun slowly rise up. Yeah, that wouldn't be too bad at all.

Two more days had passed, making it almost a week since Andrés and Tatiana's honeymoon began. These two days Martín was definitely kept busy, he and Sergio were discussing how getting the gold out would work and what it would require. There was a lot they didn't know yet.

Getting out of the bank alive was already a challenge that was very unlikely in the first place so everything had to be figured out. With Andrés's help, this would go a lot faster but for now, Sergio counts as good help. As of right now, they had been getting more information on the security system of the bank for at least two hours. It wasn't easy and it could get quite exhausting at times.

Martín sighed dramatically, bringing Sergio's attention to him. ''Sergio, could you _please_ put on some music? This silence is getting on my nerves.''

Sergio looked more than annoyed, Martín was aware he could concentrate better when it was quiet, but any longer and Martín was gonna explode. Sergio groaned as he hesitantly got up from his chair, ''What record?'' he asked.

''Whatever one that's already there is fine. Pull the needle back and come back here to help,'' Martín replied, not lifting his eyes off of the paper he was holding. Sergio placed down the needle and it slowly started to play. The first few seconds seemed familiar, Martín couldn't quite remember where he'd heard it last but then it hit him.

''Andrés, we've both had quite a lot to drink, we should just call it a night,'' Martín said, unconsciously starting to pat the table with his hand along to the music. Andrés only threw his head back and laughed as he slowly started to dance. The song wasn't that joyful to be dancing and jumping to, quite the opposite, it was slow and beautiful. A song you'd slow dance with someone to.

''Oh, Martín. Just this one song and then we can go,'' Andrés replied, smiling at him. Martín could just feel his heart starting to race. His smile was blinding even in this dim light. ''I'm not dancing. I can just go right now and leave you here by yourself,'' Martín said, tilting his head mockingly with a smug smile on his face.

''You won't, though,'' Andrés said confidently, shutting his eyes and swaying along to the music. Martín laughed, ''Oh really, how do you know that?'' he asked, his eyes never leaving Andrés movements. He wasn't really dancing, just letting himself move along to the music. He looked more than beautiful.

''Because I do,'' Andrés replied and opened up his eyes to look at Martín, who swallowed the lump in his throat nervously once their eyes met. He was right. He'd watch Andrés dance all night if he could. The window was open and the night sky was visible just next to him as well, the cold air was starting to come in, making Martín shiver.

''Now why don't you join me,'' Andrés asked, but it wasn't really an invitation or a question, it was more of a command. Martín chuckled in disbelief but Andrés's eyes didn't leave him, he was serious.

Martín sighed and slowly got up, not bothering to argue. As he stood he tried to keep his balance, seeing how he was still kinda drunk, ''I'm not good at dancing to songs like this-''

''I meant that you dance _with_ me, Martín,'' Andrés corrected and walked closer to him, holding out his hand. Martín wasn't really sure if this was even happening. Maybe he was so drunk he fell asleep and this was just a dream. Andrés was inviting _him_ to slow dance. And nobody else was around. It was just the two of them.

Martín took Andrés's hand in his own and gasped quietly when Andrés pulled him flush against him. This was bold even for him. They were comfortable with each other, have even seen each other naked once or twice, and laughed about it even, but this was new territory. Martín was starting to feel lightheaded, Andrés was looking down at him, his eyes never leaving Martín's, studying his face.

Maybe this was just some sick test to see what he'd do, but Andrés wasn't that cruel. Martín felt Andrés place his other hand on his waist, making him place his hand on Andrés's shoulder.

The space between them was almost nonexistent. He'd have expected Andrés to let go by now. To realize how this looks from afar, but he wasn't pulling away whatsoever. Instead, Andrés was leading their movements.

Neither of them said a word, they just listened to music and carefully moved alongside each other. Martín didn't even want to risk saying anything, afraid of ruining whatever this was. They were both drunk and will probably forget about it soon enough. If they won't, they'll treat this like it never happened. So might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

Martín's breath hitched when he felt Andrés lean his head against his, brushing his cheek against Martín's. He wondered if Andrés could feel how fast his heart was beating. He wondered if Andrés _knew_ what he was doing to him, if he knew the power he had over him.

They had gone around in a circle now, Martín could see out of the window and look at all of the stars, shining bright as ever. He could no longer feel the cold air coming into the room, Andrés's body against his was keeping him warm. Andrés's hand in his, the hand on his waist, it was enough to make him cry.

Which he was exactly starting to do. It was getting harder to keep his breath steady. This is what it must feel like to be loved by Andrés, or at least he imagines. He's danced just like this with his ex-wives, Martín has seen it himself, and now _he_ was being held as close as them, getting to feel Andrés's body against his own just like they got to.

He could feel a tear ready to fall out of his left eye, which was also the side Andrés's head was on. The last thing Martín wanted was for Andrés to find out he was crying. That would need explaining and in the state that he is now, he would probably say stuff that he'd regret more than anything later on.

To prevent that, Martín rested his head on Andrés's shoulder, so that he couldn't see his face. He heard Andrés faintly chuckle and adjust his grip on Martín's hand, only to rub his thumb softly against Martín's skin.

Martín bit his lip at that to prevent a whimper from escaping his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. He'd stay in this moment forever if he could. To spend eternity being held by Andrés.

Imagining that this is _isn't_ just a one-time thing. Holding onto the hope that this between them could turn into something more. He'd give anything to be brave enough to lift his head up and connect their lips, just to feel Andrés's soft lips against his own.

But this is the closest he's ever gotten to doing anything of the sort, and he doesn't want to ruin it by wanting too much of a good thing.

They stayed like this, with Martín silently crying into Andrés's shoulder and Andrés humming along to the melody, holding him close, all until the record came to an end.

''Is this good, Martín?'' Sergio asked, bringing him back into the present. ''Yeah, It's fine,'' He replied, clearing his throat and wiping his eyes quickly before Sergio turned around.

Martín was right about them never bringing that night up again. Maybe Andrés did indeed forget about it. But then again talking about it would probably just hurt Martín more. He'd most likely have to hear _'We were drunk, we didn't know what we were doing'._ Or something along the lines, so maybe It's a good thing it was never brought up again.

Minutes passed and it was getting harder to sit there and listen to the song, and it probably wasn't all that helpful to Sergio either.

''Did Andrés start anything on this?'' Sergio asked and Martín shrugged, ''About getting the gold out? Probably, we've talked about it before-''

''Has he written anything on it? Any notes?'' Sergio asked and Martín scratched the back of his neck before slowly nodding, ''Yeah? I think so.''

Sergio smiled and sighed in relief, ''Helping us even when he's gone, eh? Could you check his room for the notes and bring them back here?'' Sergio asked and Martín hesitated to reply to that for a few seconds.

He hasn't gone into Andrés's room for months. And going into it without asking or without him even knowing felt weird. Martín glanced down the hall and then sighed, getting up.

''Alright, but keep looking for stuff, we don't know how much or how little he found out either,'' Martín said to Sergio before making his way to Andrés's room.

Once he made it to the door, he felt a little nervous. But he had to remind himself he just needs to find his notes and that's it. Martín reached for the handle and pulled it, opening the door and stepping inside. He hit the light switch and looked around.

The drawers had many photo frames on them and boxes, presumably filled with cufflinks, watches, and other things that were most likely too expensive. The bed was rather big and the bedsheets were a deep red. Red was definitely Andrés's color. Anything red on him looked stunning.

Martín walked closer and touched the bedsheets, thinking about how these soft sheets cover Andrés and keep him warm. The sight alone of seeing Andrés shirtless in this bed was enough to make Martín go red.

He shut his eyes and tried to get back on track. Papers. Notes. They could be in _any_ of these drawers. Martín sighed and walked over to the first drawer and opened it only to see some pens and pencils, brushes, canvases, etc. Not a place where you'd put your notes is it?

Martín was sidetracked when his eyes wouldn't stop drifting to the photo frame right in front of him. Andrés and Tatiana on what it looks like a beach. She had a hat and sunglasses on, smiling while Andrés smirked into the camera. He couldn't help but giggle to himself, the photo looked a bit ridiculous.

He opened up the next drawer and was surprised to see an open sketchbook. Figured Andrés was interrupted before he could actually start working on something so he just put it back. Martín grabbed the sketchbook, ready to close it, but his curiosity was biting at him. He loved seeing Andrés's art.

He sat down on the bed, flipping the sketchbook over so he could start from the beginning. The first few pages were just drawings of some fruit, sketches of Tatiana, flowers, birds. His hand stopped flipping the pages once he saw a sketch of himself.

Many sketches of himself actually. They were studies. Martín stared at the two pages with wide eyes, not believing Andrés drew these, spent time on drawing _his_ features. Drawing _him_. The sketches were beautiful. It really looked like him. Martín's heart was beating out of his chest.

Realizing what he was doing, he got back up and put the sketchbook in the drawer, shutting it.

He covered his face with his hands and sighed, taking a moment to collect himself. The thought of Andrés looking at him and choosing to draw _him_ , not only once but multiple times made it hard for him to focus. After a few seconds, he dropped his hands back to his sides and opened up another drawer, still not finding what he was looking for.

Martín considered going to the drawer on the other side of the bed, which he did. But as he walked around he walked past a closet that looked like it hadn't been closed all the way. Martín had already invaded enough of Andrés's privacy so he walked over to it with the intention of closing it, but stopped once he saw a familiar sleeve. He pushed the closet door a little wider and his expression softened once he recognized what it was.

It was a dark green suit, one of the first suits he ever saw Andrés wear. Back when they didn't know each other as well and weren't as close. Even back then Martín couldn't take his eyes off of him. Andrés's clothing style has always been beautiful, unique, powerful. Something to be looked at and admired.

His curiosity only grew when he saw some tape in the back of the closet. Martín very carefully pushed the clothes aside and his eyes met with a photo of him and Andrés. There were other photos taped around as well. Photos of him and Sergio and some landscape shots he assumed Andrés took himself.

Martín's eyes drifted back to the photo of him and Andrés. It was a photo they took after their first successful robbery together and were celebrating. The robbery wasn't that big, only having received five small diamonds. But being one of the first robberies working together, it was something to be celebrated.

And with them both still being high on adrenaline it was hard to not take a photo to mark the occasion. In the photo Martín is barely looking at the camera, he's laughing into the crook of Andrés's neck meanwhile Andrés is holding the tiny black bag of diamonds with a big smile on his face, which was probably the reason Martín was laughing so hard.

''We actually did it!'' Martín yelled immediately after taking the photo and throwing the camera not so carefully on one of the beds of their hotel room. Andrés was also laughing now, not having felt this much joy since his last robbery that he had done solo.

They had been planning this robbery for a few weeks now and finally having done it felt better than anything. Doing robberies with someone you trust changed everything. It was twice the risk but twice as much the fun as well. Andrés had never considered it but after knowing Martín for a few months he decided to give it a try.

''Of course, we did it, Martín!'' Andrés shouted in celebration and ran his hands over his face, ''We need to think bigger now. Just imagine what we could do next time,'' Andrés whispered, causing Martín's laughter to die down.

''Next time?'' Martín asked, his eyes wide, sparkling with excitement and hope. Andrés put the bag on the table so he could grab Martín's shoulders, squeezing them lightly.

''Let's do more robberies,'' Andrés started, still trying to catch his breath, ''With your smart engineering brain and mine, we could accomplish _so much_ together. Just think about it.''

Martín's smile faltered a little bit but quickly rose back up. He was overwhelmed and hearing Andrés talk about them doing more robberies was almost enough to send him over the edge.

''Think about it?'' Martín repeated and scoffed, ''You know damn well I don't have to,'' he took Andrés's hands off of his shoulders, ''This is fucking happening!'' Martín yelled and _jumped_ into Andrés's arms, holding onto him tightly. Andrés was a bit surprised but it only took him a second to hug him back. He spun Martín around as they both laughed, full of happiness.

That night they bought enough expensive alcohol to last at least an entire week and spent the next few days drinking it while going from hotel to hotel, already discussing what's next. That was only the start of it all.

Thousands of robberies and several years later and Martín's still here. Right here beside Andrés.

He ran a finger over the photo, seeing some dust has collected on top of it. It's been hanging there for who knows how long. Martín took a shaky breath and he shut his eyes.

Almost ten years. Almost ten years of _this_. The overwhelming realization that Martín has loved Andrés for _that_ long washed over him completely and it felt like the world stopped.

Martín felt like he had hit a dead-end since the beginning when he realized he was falling for Andrés. He didn't have the slightest clue if Andrés liked men, nor did he want to ask because that would only make things awkward. But he still had hope. Because he still had _so much_ to learn about Andrés, so much to experience with him. Nothing was for sure.

But weeks later, months, years, and Martín understood that Andrés wasn't interested in dating or having sex with men. Or maybe him particularly. Martín believes he isn't worthy of Andrés's love anyway. A man as intelligent, confident, beautiful as Andrés could never love him.

He doesn't think _anyone_ is capable of loving him. So thinking that Andrés would be the first person in years to do so, was a reach. He also knows It's only a matter of time before Andrés leaves him. And he knows that day will break him. He _dreads_ it. Hearing Andrés telling him goodbye is something he wishes he'll _never_ get to experience.

But for now, and for as long as Andrés will let him, he'll stay by his side and love him. He'll continue to love him expecting nothing in return. Just like he has since the day he met him. Because he knows that whatever Andrés gives him, he will gladly take. He knows he'll stay with him through it all.

He never got into a serious relationship throughout these ten years either. He didn't dare. Martín knows there's no use in it, he knows he'll never love someone as much as he loves Andrés. No one could ever even compare to how Andrés makes him feel. Andrés _completes_ him. 

No matter how much time passes, there will always be a part of him that thinks maybe someday, _someday_ Andrés will love him back. Someday Andrés will look at him the way Martín looks at him. And that's exactly the hope he's tried to get rid for several years. It hurts hoping for that day, but it hurts more letting go of that possibility completely.

And if that love will never be returned then so be it. Martín can love him in silence forever. Andrés can continue to look right past him but Martín will look directly at him, even if looking at him burns like looking at the sun, too bright and too hot to touch, never being able to get too close otherwise he'll get burnt.

Martín hadn't even realized he was shaking now. He couldn't help but desperately grab one of the sweaters off of one of the clothing hangers and hug it tightly, press it against himself as if he was hugging Andrés. He smelled it and let out an aching sob, clutching it tightly and wishing he'll get to hold him this close someday again.

Wishing he'll get to slow dance with him just like that one night.

It feels he's loved Andrés for decades. Before he was even here at all.

''Martín,'' Sergio's voice appeared behind the door, reminding him that he wasn't entirely alone in this monastery. ''I found the papers myself, you can stop looking,'' Sergio said. Martín let go of the sweater and wiped his eyes, ''Be there in a minute,'' he replied, his voice quiet and weak. He didn't receive a reply to that, Sergio probably having already walked back.

He hoped Sergio didn't hear any of that, he was definitely not in the mood to talk about it, especially not with him. If he _ever_ gets to tell Andrés he loves him, he wants to do it himself. Not his brother.

He looked at the sweater down in his lap and felt the material between his fingers. It's been a while since he's cried like that. He felt utterly pathetic. Andrés leaves him for two weeks, not even a week has passed and Martín's already fallen apart.

Martín was angry at himself. He got up from the bed, fixed the bedsheets, and then walked back to the closet, putting the sweater he had taken back onto the hanger. He noticed he had made it slightly wet with his tears, but they'll dry. His eyes drifted back to the photo of them together and he smiled softly. He'll be anyone Andrés wants him to be, his partner, his friend, doesn't matter.

What matters is that loving Andrés makes him a better person. Andrés inspires him and he makes him happy. And although he can't kiss him and hold him in the ways he'd like to, loving him like this will be enough.

Martín shut the closet door and took a deep breath, collecting himself. He won't allow himself to break down like this again, he can't. It's not the Martín Andrés knows and he wants to keep it that way.

As he stood by the door, he looked across the room before switching the light back off and shutting the door. As he walked back to the workroom he straightened his shirt and rubbed his eyes, composing himself.

''You were in there for quite a while, so I figured to look around here and it paid off,'' Sergio said, not lifting his head up as he wrote something down. Martín didn't reply, a bit too tired to talk at the moment. He sat down in the chair across him. Sergio pointed to where he had placed the notes and Martín grabbed them. Even Andrés's handwriting was beautiful.

The next few days, until Andrés returned, didn't go that much different. The monastery felt more quiet than usual. The person Martín would spend hours laughing with and admiring was spending time with his lovely wife.

He deserves the break anyway and what's better than relaxing with the person you love. Martín was happy for him, truly, even though he'd _kill_ to be in Tatiana's place. These ten years that he's spent loving Andrés has been the best experience of his life.

So until Andrés returns, he'll wait. He'll wait just like he always has. And even when Andrés returns he'll _continue_ to wait. Continue to wait for the day he doesn't even know will ever come.

Martín loves him more than anything. And for Andrés, he'll even wait another ten years.


End file.
